Being a man comes with many responsibilities…
You’re expected to be adept at anything related to technology, you’re expected to be good at home repairs and last but not least, you’re supposed to know how to read a woman.
The latter isn’t always easy though.
Most women don’t tell you straight up what’s on their minds. That’s for you to know. When it comes to dating, some women will be cold as ice, distant and aloof. Then you find out through the grapevine she’s into you. Conversely, some women will be very flirtatious, give you sexy nicknames and laugh at every joke you say, then friend zone you.
Let’s face it. Even the best of us can’t perfectly read a woman. Their subtle cues elude us. So how do you know she’s into you? How do you know she’s attracted to you?
The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.
Peter F. Drucker
If she’s into you she’ll tell you. It’s that simple. If it’s not through speech, it will be through her behavior or her body language. She will give off cues, consciously or not, that will indicate her interest. For all intents and purposes let’s call these hints Indicators of Interest (IOIs).
There are many many IOIs. Far too many to put in a single post. Some are important, some can practically be dismissed. Let’s explore a few notable ones that will help you out, in a variety of scenarios, in figuring out how to know if she’s into you.
By remote IOI I mean any IOI that can be perceived at a distance/ not in person. These remote IOIs pertain to what goes on via Facebook, Texting, WhatsApp, etc.
She’s got other things to do than like your photo on facebook. If she does, consider that an IOI. Besides, can the word LIKE be more straightforward?
Most (not all) women will avoid putting themselves in an uncomfortable situation. If she initiates conversation and actively participates, you’re on the right track.
We’re all busy, we all have obligations. But if a bombshell were to text/tweet/IM you, you would probably reply within the hour. Same goes for women.
Unless you are asking her a series on YES or NO questions (I strongly advise to change your style if you do), she shouldn’t be giving you monosyllabic answers. Smiley faces, exclamation points and things of that nature are usually valuable.
Length of responses
This goes back to expressive texting. When you like someone, you put your best foot forward. That often translates into detailed answers in the online dating game.
Unlike remote IOIs, these are cues that can be noticed on a date, in person. They are the most important ones, as the real game is played on the field and nowhere else.
Eyes, the window to the soul. They happen to be the most expressive part of our faces. When interested in what someone is saying we tend to seek eye contact. When interested in something or someone we pay attention to it/him/her. Eye contact is so indicative. It just can’t be left out of an IOI conversation.
Personal Space and Touching
Non sexual touching of course. Indicates comfort. Women usually won’t touch a man that repulses them. As for personal space, letting you get in close without hesitation in very good news.
When two people “connect”, they tend to adopt each other’s behaviors. In the 1990s some Italian researchers discovered what we now call mirror neurons. I plan on delving more into this topic in future posts.
Here is what she could be mirroring:
- Your posture: When you lean back after a sentence does she do the same?
- The way you hold your head: is her head tilted to the side like yours?
- Shifts in your body weight: when you lean over to the left, does she do the same?
Basically, when there is good rapport between two people tend to act similarly. Are you on the same wave length or are your vibes diametrically opposed?
Laughter helps us bond with one another. Furthermore, laughter is often used as a communication tool, to indicate acceptance. Plus, if she isn’t laughing at any of your jokes you might want to rethink your approach.
Smiling with her eyes
There are real smiles and then there are fake smiles. Real smiles involve more facial muscles, including those around the eyes. Look for genuine smiles, the ones that light her whole face up, not just the lower half.
This involves anything like rearranging her hair, playing with her hair, adjusting her clothing, etc. Anything that suggest she is trying to make herself prettier for you. These IOI are most likely unconscious.
Type of Questions
Many questions can come up during a conversation. Take note of some questions as they can be Qualifier Questions (questions that are meant to “figure you out” or qualify you. ) Once she knows she is attracted or at the very least interested in you, she may want to validate certain things.
We won’t get into how to answer these questions. For now, let’s just examine a few of them.
An opportunity to sell yourself.
About dreams and aspirations
We all know status is attractive. However, someone on his way towards status can be attractive as well. Do you have ambitions and aspirations or are you a full-time gamer?
Comfort and rapport questions
Does she seem to be wanting to build an emotional connection?
By the way, if the conversation is going in that kind of direction you might want to
Hint: too many of these conversations without physical contact of any sort and you might end up in the friend zone. Comfort without attraction makes you the Nice Guy.
If you have a girlfriend
This question can be asked very casually, indirectly. If she has absolutely no reason to ask the question, but does, take note.
Like I said, there are tons of IOIs. This is not a complete list. Some will recommend getting a certain number of IOIs before taking a certain course of action in a given situation. I think that’s total b*ll sh*t. What you gain from identifying IOIs isn’t permission to act, but an understanding of a situation. I think it’s better to see them as feedback rather than points on a scoreboard.
There is a lot more Yoto and I would like to cover on this topic. Till then keep an eye out for IOIs.